I had to find a way so I went online just to look. There I discovered a formula to make a poison strong enough to kill a horse. It uses common ingredients. The best part? It’s completely undetectable. Don’t judge me ok? But I knew exactly who I planned to give it to. It was an answer to my prayers. I had been plotting in my head for a long time how to get rid of HIM. Cut his brake lines. Maybe! Push him off a cliff. Better! This formula, however, was perfect, and not a moment too soon. It was not going to be easy to get rid of all his 6’6”, 330 lb of HIM! I could no longer stand anything about HIM. The pungent smell of body odor and aftershave that followed him home from the gym. The assault of the floral eau de toilette, Gucci Blossom, mingled with HER lip stain left behind by her Dior Rouge Red on his white dress shirt. That shirt fits his amateur bodybuilding frame like a custom made lambskin glove. God, I will miss that perfect body that could rival Adonis’. Still, who could live with such a man? Every morning, watching HIS soft lips that tell such intoxicating lies, smacking as he eats his breakfast of eggs and salmon, giving me a front-row view of his perfectly white veneered teeth. Whenever we go out, girls are drawn to his sickly sweet charm like flies to honey. I wonder how many would truly enjoy that view every morning.When we started going out I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world. The circumstances that we met under was a bit tense. My best friend and I were making our way to our seats at a San Jose Sharks game. We each had two beers in our hands along with hotdogs we were delivering to her fiance, and my blind date. We crab stepped down the aisle with our backs to the seated fans while facing the tan seats in front of us. To my friend’s shocking surprise, a fan jumped up to cheer as #28, Timo Meier scored, sending the contents in her hands flying through the air. The beers and dogs did flips and pirouettes until landing on HIM. He was kind and laughed it off saying things like, ‘It looks like your remembered my mustard’ or, ‘At least it was a good beer and not cheap piss water’. His buddy was not quite as gracious, even though he didn’t get hit with as much of the goods. His buddy was about to start yelling, then HE stopped him and reminded him it was an accident, and we were wearing some of it too. HE went on to remind him that it wasn’t really my friend’s fault. His friend sat and stewed instead. My blind date came and relieved me of my burden. He then politely told us we could go clean up before sitting with them again. My date then proceeded to remind us, ‘Don’t forget to grab yourselves some new food before you come back and we will probably be ready for another beer if you could grab that too.” I had hit the bloody jackpot! HE made remarks about my boyfriend being a bit of a thoughtless prick. I told him, 'you are correct about the thoughtless prick part but he is not my boyfriend, just an unfortunate blind date'. We had run into him a few more times that day and kept talking with each other. At the end of the day, we ended up being parked a couple of cars down from each other and took the opportunity to exchange numbers. After a year of dating, we got engaged, nine months after that we were married. Soon after we were married, we had to move to Southern California where HE was offered a very lucrative job. We bought a house in Malibu, made friends with the right people, and joined the Jonathan Club. To the outside world, we had it all. I had it all. As they say, looks can be deceiving. HE seemed to change overnight. HE started to control my every move, what I ate, what I could wear, who I could be friends with. With HIS desire to control everything about me he also needed to needle away at my self-esteem. I became a mess, filled with insecurity, worry, and obsessed with where HE was at all times. I started to follow HIM. I eventually purchased a phone app so that I could see where he was any time I felt the need to check. That helped for a while until his phone started showing up at houses of single women I knew. It always stung the most when HE had just phoned to say work was keeping him late. His late nights started being more frequent and keeping him out later and later. Eventually, HE quit trying to hide what he was doing. When it first started he seemed to at least care about my feelings and lie to me. HE would bring me apology flowers and gifts. A few years ago, however, it seems like he wants to flaunt it. That is when I started toying with how I could make him meet his untimely demise. Let the car accidentally back over him? Maybe. Slowly kill him with arsenic in his smoothies? Better. I had been plotting away while upping his insurance, getting more assets put in my name. HE oddly seemed glad to give me sole ownership of the cars and the house. Everything I could put in place without drawing any suspicion to me had been taken care of a couple of years ago. I had been playing a waiting game for a while now. Today though, my freedom was found in a simple formula. I just have to figure out how to give it to HIM, where he will expire with me nowhere around. Ah-ha! It just hit me. The perfect plan.